“What do you want to do with your life?”
WHAT’S THE ISSUE: How can parents have a meaningful conversation with their child about their future, when they get angry (“I’m fed up of you bringing this up! Leave me alone”) or indecisive (“I don’t know”) in response to the “what do you want to do with your life” topic of conversation? It is normal for parents to feel worried when they see their child stuck in indecision and stress as the university application deadlines approach. But there are three strengths, motivation, and career tests that I have found to be particularly helpful in reducing decision-making stress for teenagers. They also help to get a calm and meaningful conversation going about Uni/college applications and life choices with your child.
In this article, I will talk about:
- The strengths, motivation, and career tests I recommend to parents of High School students, and to university/college students who are thinking of changing their degree.
- Why I recommend these three tests.
- The limitations of these three tests for helping a child move out of indecision.
Some parents are too scared to let High School students take career tests or psychometric tests. “Their personality is still developing, they are too young for this”, they say. Yet universities do not say “You are too young to know what you want” when they are looking at your child’s university application. They expect applicants to know what they want to study. They also expect applicants to be able to spell out exactly why they want to study what they say they want to study at Uni. And if these tests could help a child gain some clarity on their strengths and what they might like to study at Uni, then why not give it a go?
PERSONALITY, INTRINSIC MOTIVATION AND STRENGTHS TESTS
“You need to understand what introversion is. It’s different from being shy. Shyness is about fear of social judgement. Introversion is more about ‘How do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation?’ Extroverts really crave large amounts of stimulation, whereas introverts feel at their most alive, and their most switched on and their most capable, when they’re in quieter, more low key environments. Not all the time – you know, these things are not an absolute – but a lot of the time. So the key, then, to maximizing our talents, is for us all to put ourselves in the zone of stimulation that is right for us.“
Susan Cane (2012) “The Power of Introverts”, TED.
16 PERSONALITY TEST [Myers Briggs]
The easiest of the three tests I recommend for High School students is the Myers-Briggs 16 Personality tests. It is available online for free. You can take the test in your native language. This is handy for students for whom English is not their native language. The test calculates a percentage that shows how much of an Extrovert you are. We all go through phases, and we can change as we grow. But I’ve found the Extrovert percentage valuable for having a meaningful conversation that encourages a student to become more aware of their current needs. Sometimes, I also go through what the test highlighted as strengths and areas for development. I ask if they agree with the results and if they think they are accurate. But overall, I find the most valuable part of this personality test is the extroversion percentage it offers. It encourages us to reflecting on what kind of work environment we need to thrive.
Really big extroverts mainly get their energy from being around others, and from high stimulation environments. Work environments that get people with big extroverted personalities excited include loud and busy spaces. A daily schedule where you go from meeting to meeting with little to no time protected for deep independent work that requires quality reflection time is a nightmare for Introverts. This kind of high stimulation work environment is draining and demotivating for someone who is an Introvert, or even an Ambivert. Introverts get their energy from internal resources and thrive in quieter work environments with lower stimulation. Ambiverts are a mix between an Introvert and an Extrovert. Ambiverts are in the middle of the spectrum. I encourage teenagers to self-reflect as to where they get their energy from, and what conditions they need to thrive in the working world. I think this is a helpful place to start when talking with students who are trying to decide what kinds of jobs or career paths they may want to pursue.
STRENGTHS TEST
The second test I recommend is more demanding than the Myers-Briggs test in terms of English language vocabulary. It’s Gallup “Top 5 Clifton Strengths Test”. It is not free, it costs about €23. But it is good value for money when you consider the clarity you gain on your current strengths, which can help inform your next steps. This is helpful for students who are not doing well in school, and so they are struggling to see themselves as having any strengths at all when they look at their report card. It is also helpful for students who already love learning and are good in a variety of different subjects; they can get stuck in decision-making paralysis because of how many options they have available to them of possible jobs or career paths they could pursue. As far as I’m aware, this test is only available in English. I recommend that students use a dictionary (www.dictionary.com works fine) while doing the test, to look up any words they do not know, to make sure understand what the question is asking them. The Top 5 strengths can help a student who is applying to UK universities to write their UCAS Personal statement.
MAPP CAREER TEST
The third and final test I recommend is the MAPP Career Test. MAPP stands for Motivational Appraisal Personal Potential. It is a test that helps you gain clarity on what motivates you intrinsically, as a person, and how that relates to the world of work. There is a free version and a paid version. If you want to gain access to all the information the test results provide, you can upgrade from the free version to the paid version. When I was a 12th Grade student, I was really struggling to decide what I wanted to study at university. I took the free version of the MAPP test, and it served me well. A few years ago, I decided to take the MAPP test again. This time I paid to get access to the full information. And again, it served me well.
It is up to you and your financial circumstances whether you choose to stick to the free version or now. Either way, I highly recommend it, because even the free version is great for gaining more clarity and self-awareness of your intrinsic sources of motivation. Clarity is power when it comes to deciding what you want to do with your life. And for me, the MAPP test has brought great clarity. And clarity is empowering.
[CONTEΧΤ] WHY I RECOMMEND THESE 3 TESTS TO PARENTS
“Many people go through life having no real sense of what their talents may be…I meet all kinds of people who simply go through their lives getting on with it. They get no great pleasure from what they do. They endure it, rather than enjoy it, and wait for the weekend. But I also meet people who love what they do…And it’s not true of enough people…I think there are many possible explanations for it. I think high among them is education. Because education, in a way, dislocates many people from their natural talents.”
Sir Ken Robinson (2010) “Bring On the Learning Revolution”, TED.
EDUCATIONAL CONTEXT
In an ideal world, more schools would be led by visionary school leaders like Toby Newton. People who understand the importance of bridging the gap between the outdated factory-style education system, and the skills and attributes students need to thrive in the modern world. Schools that encourage students to produce their best self. Schools filled with students who go beyond producing papers with grades and certifications. Schools like the International College of Hong Kong offer students a sense of meaning and purpose, thanks to the very nature of their vision and values. They inspire creative thinking, curiosity, and confidence within a carefully crafted school culture and ethos. They are led by people who think deeply about what is in their students’ best interests, and what matters. The depth of thinking that goes into their work, is evident. Read this interesting article Toby Newton wrote in November 2018, “Yes, but what are they learning?” to see for yourself.
However, the reality is that most kids go to High Schools in which success is defined as what grades they got, and how well they did in their last Maths test or History essay. They don’t have much of a chance to develop their self-awareness within this kind of a school context. We need to increase our self-awareness if we are to make a conscious and intentional life choice. In a lot of High Schools, encouraging students to become more self-aware and to work on ‘producing yourself’, as Tony puts it, is seen as a low priority.
CONTEXT REASON 1: BRIDGING THE GAP BETWEEN EDUCATION SYSTEMS AND SELF-AWARENESS SKILLS
There is a gap between the mainstream education system, and the deeper self-awareness skills students need to make more inner-directed decisions about their life. I use the results students get from these tests as stimulus material to help bridge that gap. My intention is to offer them these tests so that they have ‘food for thought’ to activate the self-reflection process. Self-reflection lies at the heart of becoming more self-aware and inner-directed. To that end, the information you get from the tests is a great conversational tool. I always ask if they believe the test was accurate. Did they feel what it said was true for where they are at in their life right now?
CONTEXT REASON 2: REDUCING PARENT-CHILD RELATIONAL STRESS
I like to encourage the student I work with to talk about their test results and thoughts with their parents. Usually, it’s the parents who are always the ones who initiate the ‘What do you want to do with your life?’ or ‘Have you decided what you want to study at Uni?’ conversation. This can cause a lot of tension and stress within the parent-child relationship. By shifting the dynamics to one where the child takes more of a leadership role in initiating these kinds of conversations, it helps the child to feel more empowered and in control of their life. It also means the parents can have some peace of mind, knowing that they don’t have to keep chasing their child to talk about their future.
ULTIMATELY: NOTICING HELPFUL THEMES & PATTERNS EMERGING ACROSS ALL THREE TESTS
Last but not least, helpful patterns or themes often emerge when all three tests are compared. It’s interesting to see what the recurring patterns are across tests. These patterns help a child gain clarity on their current strengths. They gain a richer understanding of what motivates them as a person, and what they need to thrive. It almost feels as if they’ve found the words to describe things that they couldn’t quite put their finger on before, but that they kinda knew were there. Talking about the themes and patterns across tests helps to improve the quality of parent-child communication around this issue. The conversation about their child’s future shifts from one of unproductive conflict to a more meaningful conversation about what is possible.
[SCENARIOS] WHY I RECOMMEND THESE 3 TESTS TO PARENTS
“While more than 80% of young Danes can expect to can expect to have met with a career guidance counsellor in school by the age of 15, the same applies to fewer than one in three Belgians or Brazilians. Only 8% of young people in Hong Kong can expect to have attended a job fair compared to 72% of Maltese youth. Given such variation, there are significant opportunities for peer learning between countries.”
OECD (2020) “Dream Jobs? Teenagers’ Career Aspirations and the Future of Work”
Two things I want to make clear. First, I am not a Career Guidance Counsellor. My work does not constitute a substitute for working with a Careers Counsellor. I am a Youth Mentor for Stress Relief. When I am working one-to-one with a student, my intention is to help them reduce their stress levels. In so doing, they can access the thinking part of their brain that helps them decide for themselves what they want to do. I see these three tests are a way of enriching the conversation teenagers can have with their parents and the people in their community. Second, I do not always recommend all 3 tests to parents and students. Every child is different, and every situation is different. But when parents have come to me because their child is stuck in stress and struggling to motivate themselves, and indecision over what they want to study at university is contributing to their problem, tests like these can help. And broadly speaking, the child’s indecision tends to correlate with three scenarios, which I will talk about in the final section below. It is for these scenarios that I recommend 1, 2, or all 3 of the tests I’ve talked about, depending on the student’s age and their particular situation.
SCENARIO 1: THE STUDENT IS GETTING BAD GRADES & IS UNAWARE OF STRENGTHS
In this situation, the student is stressing out because they can’t figure out what they want to do with their life because they’re struggling to see themselves as being good at anything. They’ve started to get bad grades in school. Their academic self-esteem is low. They no longer feel motivated to study, and don’t see much point in trying to do well in school. Worried that there may be a possible learning disability at play, parents or teachers suggested that they get tested to see if they have Attention Deficit Disorder. The tests were either inconclusive, or they said the child only has ‘borderline ADHD’. The parents have come to realize that their child’s academic self-confidence is low, and that’s part of the problem. Lacking clarity and awareness of their own strengths is another.
I’ve noticed that a lot of kids who have focus and motivation problems in High School come out as being highly creative when the three test results are compared. The decrease in opportunities for creative expression as they progress in their education seems to correlate with an increase in the child’s focus and motivation problems. These kids often find relief when they gain some clarity on one of the reasons why they have been struggling to motivate themselves to get school work done. They realize that it’s not that there’s anything wrong with them. It’s just that their natural strengths and motivations aren’t valued in their educational context. They then understand why they need to make a conscious effort to develop self-motivation habits so that they can stay focused and motivated on their journey of improving their grades so that they can go on to focus on what they actually want to study at university.
SCENARIO 2: THE STUDENT HAS GOOD GRADES IN ALL SUBJECTS & IS STRUGGLING TO NARROW DOWN
These students are good all-rounders who feel stressed because they love learning about different subjects. They find it hard to narrow down and choose what they want to specialize in. They have a history of high-achievement in many different subjects and areas. The thought of narrowing down to a specific course at university causes a lot of distress, as they don’t know where to start. They are creative and they enjoy the complexity of the Humanities where there is no such thing as a right answer. Yet they also love the certainty they get in subjects like Maths and Physics, where one right answer is possible. They’re stuck in decision-making paralysis, and the inability to make a decision is causing them a lot of stress.
SCENARIO 3: THE STUDENT SAYS THEIR DREAM IS ‘TO BE FAMOUS’
Unfortunately, the rise of narcissistic forms of self-expression on social media has meant that there are more and more teens growing up who now care more about what they want for their own self-interest (‘I want to start a YouTube channel to be famous’) than about how they can be of service in the world (‘What can I do to help the world be a better place? What product or service can I create that people will pay for, which can make a difference in other’s lives?’).
There’s been a rise of teenage ‘stars’ on social media and YouTube in recent years. As a result, there are now more students who have a friend/peer who is making shed-loads of money by gaming all day or vlogging about themselves. In this self-absorbed social context, it’s not too surprising when I hear more teens saying things like this, in response to the ‘this is what I want to do with my life’ question:
- “I just want to win the lottery so I don’t have to work.”
- “I want to be a YouTuber/social media Influencer and have loads of followers.”
- “I don’t know what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I want to be famous.”
This heavily ego-based way of being, and of thinking about what they want to do with their life, is now more common. Doing the three tests I talked about can help students gain clarity on how they can live a more intentional and meaningful life. It raises the question of how we choose to make the best use of your unique talents and personality to be of service in the world. It can help a kid to become a bit less self-absorbed, and a bit more focused on caring about how they can help to solve real-world problems, as they explore more meaningful ways of making an income.
NONE OF THE ABOVE
What if your child’s case does not fit into one of these 3 scenarios? They might still find the 16 Personalities Test, the MAPP Career Test, or the Top 5 Strengths Test useful in helping them decide what they want to do with their life. Especially if they are university students, or if they recently graduated from university, and they ‘I don’t know what I Want to do with my life’ question is coming up for them, again. The 3 generic High School student scenarios I have outline here are simply the ones that really worry parents. So much so that they feel compelled to reach out and hire me to support their child who is stuck in stress and indecision. If your child hasn’t got a clear idea or vision of what they want to do with their life, I suggest that you have a look at these 3 tests. Think about whether they would help your child gain clarity as they start to prepare their university application.
LIMITS OF THESE 3 TESTS FOR HELPING A CHILD GET UNSTUCK
Knowledge is power – to a certain extent. Empowering students to take control of their life as they try to make meaningful choices about what they want to do with their life requires helping them become more emotionally aware.
The results from career tests or motivation tests can certainly be a good place to start. They help us to become more aware of our unique combination of strengths and personality traits. We can learn more about different jobs and career path options that we may not have really thought about that may be a good fit for our natural interests and talents. These tests represent external sources of knowledge that can help us make a start.
We still, however, need to make up our minds about what we want to do with our life. We still need to be able to get in touch with our inner sources of knowledge. Our inner knowing. That little voice inside that says ‘This is what I want to do to be of service in the world’. Or at the very least, ‘This is what I want to study at university.’ or ‘This is what I want to do next, in this coming year’.
That inner knowing is far more powerful than any test or externally-imposed social expectation. It’s what pulls us forward into action, gets us excited about waking up in the morning, and inspires us into working from an embodied, mindful, and intentional place. And this is where tapping into our Body Intelligence and our Emotional Intelligence can help.
Want to learn more about how I combine EFT Tapping sessions with these 3 tests in my private mentoring programs? Email me at eleni@elenivardaki.com and we can schedule a time to talk.
REFERENCES
1. Gallup’s “Top 5 Clifton Strengths Test”, available online.
2. MAPP Career Test, available online.
3. Myers Briggs 16 Personalities Test, available online.
4. OECD (2020) “Dream Jobs? Teenagers’ Career Aspirations and the Future of Work”.
5. Sir Ken Robinson (2010) “Bring On The Learning Revolution”, TED.
6. Susan Cane (2012) “The Power of Introverts”, TED.
7. Toby Newton (2018) “Yes, but what are they learning?” ICHK Head of Secondary’s Blog.
About the author
Eleni Vardaki offers private and small-group stress relief services online to parents, teachers, and students. Her mission is to help bridge the gap between mainstream education and the wellbeing skills students need to thrive in the 21st century. She believes in doable, sustainable interventions for student wellbeing in school cultures that value student and community wellbeing.
