How I Overcame My Fear of Flying
WHAT’S THE ISSUE: Developing a fear of flying can significantly affect the well-being of a child living abroad due to a parent’s job. The trigger is unavoidable—you have to board planes; there is simply no alternative. Fear of flying can be overwhelming, especially when it is intensified by traumatic events and a lifestyle that requires frequent travel.What follows is a heartfelt letter from my Adult Self to my teenage Child Self, who struggled with an intense fear of flying after the 9/11 terrorist attacks. As the daughter of globally mobile expat parents, I faced the unique challenge of confronting intense anxiety around flying while living a life where travel was a constant. In this letter, I reflect on those difficult times, my journey of healing through mindfulness and exposure, and ultimately how my painfully-long healing journey fed my passion for help others find quicker relief than what mindfulness and exposure can do via Emotional Freedom Techniques.
If your child has developed a fear of flying and you are looking for professional help to support them in overcoming it, my story may offer valuable insight.
FEAR OF FLYING As An Expat Child
Dear Helen (aka Eleni, Elen, Helena, Hélène),
I’m reading your diary entry from October 3rd 2001.
You were a 10th grade student at the Anglo-American School of Moscow. Somewhere in the middle of this diary entry, you go:
“I want to do something about all the evil and the unhappiness in the world. Don’t know how, don’t really care right now. I just know I’m going to do something in that direction in my life.”
This is a letter to you from your future Adult Self. I can see how deeply you care about wanting to help people when you grow up. You’re not fussed about the how. Your primary motive isn’t to chase some fancy job title, social status, or financial gain purely for self-serving reasons. You genuinely care about helping to make the world a better place. I love that about you.
It’s now April 1st 2025. I’m writing to you from our beloved homeland, Greece. I want you to know that I’m proud of you for staying true to your intention via the choices you went on to make in your professional and personal life.
On that day, as you often did, you had turned to your diary for comfort. Your basketball coach had just announced who had made it onto the Girls’ Basketball Team to represent the school at the upcoming tournament in Istanbul. You made it. You were on the list. But as you said in your diary, you felt “confused”. Because even though you absolutely loved playing basketball, so you really wanted to go, you were terrified of boarding the plane to get there.
Even just thinking about getting on that plane filled you with terror.
“Basically, I’ll be frank”, you confessed to your diary. “I’m terrified of being hijacked. There you go. Now I know why terrorists are called that. But it’s terrible. I want to do something about all the evil and unhappiness going on in the world. Don’t know how, don’t really care right now either. I just know I’m going to do something in that direction in my life. That means I need to work on writing well, history, problem solving, talking, convincing people.”
You watched as innocent human beings trapped in two planes that were hijacked by terrorists, die a cruel death as they crashed into the Twin Towers.
9/11 didn’t just impact America. It impacted you, too, as you watched what happened replayed again and again on the news. And I get why. Because you knew what it was like to feel terror from emotional contagion while being trapped in a plane. It’s understandable that watching the footage of that horrific moment for those people, replayed again and again on TV, left a mark on you. It makes sense that just the thought of having to get on a plane again brings up big emotions after what you saw and what you have experienced.
For the story of Eleni’s prior experience of terror emotional contagion and panic while trapped in a plane, watch: “Tapping for Trauma”
I get that you’re angry with your mum for taking you to “that weird ‘psychologist’ ” who had no clue how to help you. All that psychologist had done was make you feel worse. Forgive your mum. She was just trying to help. She didn’t know.
I get that you’re frustrated; seeing a psychologist felt like a complete waste of time. She wanted to help. She just didn’t know how. Most psychologists in 2001 didn’t know how to help teenagers overcome a phobia or process unresolved trauma. What you needed was someone who could help you neutralize the triggering thoughts and distressing images replaying in your mind of planes crashing into buildings that were adding fuel to the fire of your pre-existing huge fear of flying. She didn’t know how to do that. Forgive her.
I’m glad that at least you could fall back on the mindfulness, breathwork, and journaling practices that the School Counsellor at the International School of Islamabad had taught you a few years back when you went to her for help after experiencing that massive panic attack in a plane. You managed your anxiety with your existing self-regulation tools and skills. You didn’t let it stop you from going to the tournament. I’m proud of you.
I’m sorry that you had to go through about 10 years of painful exposure therapy as the child of a diplomat to overcome your fear of flying. You had no choice but to keep boarding planes, again and again, because of your family’s expat lifestyle.
Know that your commitment to working on your speaking skills to help make the world a better place will pay off. In 2023, you will go on be interviewed by solution-oriented people, like Rhoda Bangerter, who has a podcast called Holding the Fort Abroad. You will talk about how tapping can be applied to calm intense emotions for expats and expat kids. Expat mums no longer need to despair when talk therapy doesn’t work to help their child overcome their fear of flying, like your mum did. EFT helps.
Thanks to your problem-solving approach to EFT therapy and coaching, when you grow up, you will help many kids and adults tap into happiness as they overcome their fears and phobias in a matter of weeks or months. Not years, like what you had to go through.
You will not only help others access their inner happiness – it will also make you happy.
And your happiness matters, too, my dear.
With love,
Your Adult Self
Eleni Vardaki
MORE LIKE THIS IN "LETTERS NOW SENT"
If you found Eleni’s journey meaningful and want to explore more personal reflections and stories from people navigating cross-cultural lives and complex emotions, consider reading Letters Now Sent (2025) by Megan C. Norton.
This inspiring compilation features letters like Eleni’s that shed light on growth, healing, and the human experience across cultures.
Grab your copy today for a deeper connection with stories of resilience and hope.
ABOUT ELENI
Eleni Vardaki is a Therapeutic Coach with a good understanding of cross-cultural challenges faced by globally mobile families. She empowers individuals to process and release anxiety in a way that is compassionate, efficient, and tailored to their unique experiences. Eleni is dedicated to supporting her clients’ path to happiness and freedom from painful emotions and inner blocks.
