Living Your Best As An Expat Mum: Letting Your Values Be Your Personal Compass
GUEST WRITER: Marie Dewulf works with people who want to find a new job, change jobs, or get more out of their job/life. In this article, she talks about why pinpointing your personal values is an important part of taking back control of your life as an expat mum.
LIFE AS AN EXPAT MUM: CAN YOU RELATE?
Picture this scene: It is seven o’clock in the evening and your children’s homework has been completed. Your children have all been bathed and you have resolved the office issues. Better still, dinner is ready in the oven. Super! It seems that a relaxing evening is on its way.
But perhaps nowadays, the following scenario is more familiar: It is 8:15 in the morning and the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it. You need to drive the kids to a friend’s house, as you have necessary work meetings online today. Your oldest child insists on wearing sandals, even though it is bitter cold outside. Your middle child has just reminded you that you have an online meeting with her teacher in a few minutes. To top it all off, your toddler tells you that she has just soiled her nappy!
After a quick change, you lock up the house and haul your three children into their car seats. At that moment, you realise that there is no way you can get to the online parent-teacher meeting on time. Your heart is pounding, and you have the feeling that your kids are determined to do everything they can to make it worse!
SO WHAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE?
What is key to a relaxed lifestyle? Do we have it in us to bring about a change or is it simply the way we are? One of the biggest challenges in parenthood is the anger that can bubble up quickly from out of nowhere. What if, in the middle of the action, you could step aside from the urgent needs confronting you and take a moment to analyse the situation. You might find that the solutions were there all along. What would make you feel calm and in control again?
ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS:
- What matters to me here?
- Which of my values are being compromised?
- What could I do to make myself feel better and fill me with energy again?
Stopping and asking those questions can help you identify your values. In moments of crisis, values are the key to the answers you need.
WHY DO VALUES MATTER?
Your values show who you really are and not who you should be or dream of being. Values are our core and unique to each one of us. However, many of us go through life without taking the time to identify what our values are. It is essential to identify what really makes us tick, what we want to pass on to our children or team and how to show what is worthwhile. It is our responsibility to choose our own values and live in agreement with them in our own way. This is what is called integrity.
Identifying your own values makes decision-making easier. When making (significant) decisions, you will find it easier to come to a fitting conclusion if you can align your choice with your values. For example, imagine you have accepted a new position at work. It comes with a large pay rise and longer work hours as you manage a new remote team in various time zones. However, your fundamental value is ‘family’. After a while, you may feel dissatisfied, regardless of the financial benefit. Identifying your values makes it easier to make a good choice and know that you are on the right track.
Knowing what is important to you helps you be very clear about your boundaries. This will help you to communicate what is acceptable behaviour and what isn’t. The behaviour that is least acceptable to you is what violates your values. When you know who you are, you can set your limits and communicate more effectively so that others know the rules of your game. Having clear boundaries allow you to define yourself rather than defend yourself.
Clear boundaries allow you to stop reacting and start responding. This is a vital skill. When anger flares up, it is often because one of our fundamental values has been disregarded. We feel protective of our values. The stressful situation becomes the enemy and we lose loads of energy in protecting and justifying ourselves. If for example, being on time and reliable are two of your core values. Then all the events that made you late for the parent-teacher meeting could easily cause you to blow a fuse. Children can sense this and subconsciously stoke the fire of your anger. But by understanding what is happening, you can extinguish the fire. When you become clear about your values, it will help you plan appropriate responses in times of stress and respond rather than react.
SMALL STEPS
The strategy of taking small steps is the way forward. The idea is to do one small thing each day to bring you closer to your values. When you do this, you will find that positive energy will be released, and as working parents, you know that is precious! When you live your life in harmony with your core values, you will naturally have more energy; and energy is beneficial for everyone, especially nowadays! Clarifying what really matters to you and knowing what you stand for will enable you to live to your fullest potential.
KNOW YOURSELF
If you aren’t currently working and would like to relaunch your career, ask yourself why you would like to relaunch your career. The answer can be very different for each of us. Maybe you want to secure personal, social, and financial independence. Perhaps you also miss being intellectually challenged by your work environment, which helps you continue to learn and grow. Or you would like to have a portable and/or virtual career to thrive wherever you are.
Identify those values that are important to you. Are you clear about what you are looking for? Do you know your qualities, skills, and abilities? Take the opportunity and time to pinpoint what is essential for you right now. Get clarity about who you are, what your professional expectations are, and how to meet them. You can then be clear about the objectives and positions you are aiming for. As a result, you will talk with greater confidence about yourself, which will positively impact your road to success.
Find support around you, someone who will help you through the ups and downs of your job search. This could also be a career coach. Relaunching your career provides you with an excellent opportunity to get to know yourself – your strengths and limitations and the untapped potential hidden within you. As Marcel Proust said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” So, open the windows of the new chapter in your life and let the fresh air come in. There is a lot to learn on the way.
Are you looking for a job, want to change careers, or get more out of your current job / life? I would love to help you get clarity so that you can talk confidently about yourself with more impact to secure your success. Ready to start? BOOK YOUR FREE DISCOVERY SESSION in English, French or Dutch.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Marie Dewulf is a career clarity coach who is passionate about helping people find a job, change jobs, or get more out of their job and life. She helps them to get clarity on who they are, what they want professionally, and how to get it so that they are crystal clear on the roles that they are aiming for. And as a result, talk confidently about themselves with more impact to secure their success. She coaches in English, French, and Dutch.
Belgian by birth, a curious global nomad by heart, and a career coach by choice. She started Coach2MoveOn in 2005 after having personally experienced several career changes herself due to numerous moves abroad. She combines her analytic-reflective approach from her master’s degree in Art history & Archaeology, with the skills acquired in her several coaching accreditations. If you want to know more about her, please have a look on www.coach2moveon.com
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
